Conversion Hypocrisy

The title of this post was the placeholder name for this here sketch, which is now called: A Silly Little Internet Video. This sketch is the one I'm most proud of all we've filmed so far. Specifically from a film/directorial point of view I think it's the most sophisticated in terms of cuts and angles. Hopefully it is more interesting to watch because of it.

Thanks for watching.

In at the 13th Hour (or Day)

A belated Happy New Year, and an even more belated happy new blog.

I suppose I am drawn to leave this update for that very reason, it’s been lazily long since I last posted something here.  I suppose it’s justified however, as I have waited until I actually had something to post here.  So here it is.

The ACRE’s Annual General Meeting 2010, held late due to an inclement weather event.  Finally, everyone can get filled in as to where the ACRE find themselves professionally at the dawning of 2011.

Also, we've left the radio in order to focus on video projects, rather than being fired as we rather disingenuously suggested here.  We have another 2 sketches already filmed, and another waiting to be made.

As ever, the proof will be in the posting.

Assorted Insecurity

It has been an odd day today.

I spent the morning in a strained state of mind as I was attempting to complete an impossible number of tasks before I had to leave for work.

Forefront in my mind was uploading the new podcast and the new sketch so that I would be able to steamroller through endless plugging throughout the day. Though it can be dispiriting to feel as though the our efforts are merely being uploaded into the void, we are attempting to keep up a constant flow of creativity and content, and the uploading on a specific time is more to adhere to deadlines that we have set ourselves, rather than to placate readers/listeners/viewers.

My reaction when people get in touch out of the blue saying they enjoy the blog/podcasts/sketches is one of surprise, which probably doesn't inspire confidence, and is probably informed by my feeling that all this is in some way a big hypothetical practice run for something more serious. When people do get in touch, it brings home that our inane ideas are getting put completely into the public domain, into the gargantuan pool of creative offerings. The thought that our podcasts could be judged alongside podcasts that I listen to and see as solid, unassaiable recordings it is daunting. The thought that they could possibly be as good is alien to me. I think I need to become more assured, but I also need to try harder.

In other 'I-am-completely-out-of-my-depth' news, polling day is tomorrow, and I have realised that I don't have enough time to actually investigate any policies in any real depth. As much as I have engaged in the run-up to the election, following the various 'game-changers' and 'gaffes' that are far removed from any real focus on politics at all, I haven't really learnt anything of substance. I am pleased that the seemingly inevitable duopoly at least feels as though it no longer holds sway, but I am conscious that serious electoral reform needs to take place before the Lib Dems have any real chance to heavily influence matters.

From what I gather, the constituency where I live is something of a stronghold for a specific party, and it would be hugely unlikely that any other party would get in. It is disappointing that in a country which styles itself as one of the pioneers of democracy that my vote will be effectively shit up a wall in the bigger picture. I feel as though I should be repeatedly pasting the phrase 'ELECTORAL REFORM' for the rest of this blog, but I will now digress.

I have recently become invested in re-watching early episodes of South Park. Their most recent output seems to have attracted so much controversy and praise in equal measure, I thought I'd revisit the show, having not watched it for years. I remember being surprised recently when I saw new episodes, for as a kid watching it when it first came out, it is the childishness and the crudity that I remember. I was really excited by how ideologically strong the show was, and how eloquently and aptly it was able to deal with heavyweight, touchy subjects.

I was delighted, watching back the first series, to find that this wasn't something that developed later, and that the show has actually been touching on sensitive topics from the very beginning, with a deft touch and insightfulness that is packaged in a misleadingly crass package. Needless to say, I am very much enjoying this revisitation, as well as being pleased that there are so many series of this show for me to catch up with.

So, having spent a rambling entry detailing my creative insecurities, my political insecurities and my enjoyment of a show with a scope that is awe-inspiring, I will end this with a limp plug. Our newest sketch is up on our youtube channel, I am uncertain whether I should be sincere and implore you to check it out and hope that you enjoy it, or whether I should be obscenely over the top about it.

I will just be sincere and say that this one sketch is our best piece of work to date, it is better than the entirety of South Park added-up and distilled into a nugget form and that the sketch agrees with Nick.

And being serious for a second, I hope you enjoy it.

@adamgilder
www.theacre.net
acrecomedy@gmail.com

My Sketchy Bank Holiyesterday

Since yesterday was a day where the banks were on holiday (hence; Bank Holiday = ETYMOLOGYTASTIC!?) both myself and my ACREmpatriots spent the day playing with creative equipment, attempting to bash out some more sketches to showcase on our youtube channel.

Sometimes our slapdash, last-minute approach to sketch writing makes me slightly nervous as to whether or not certain ideas will be funny or not. These nerves are further compounded by the knowledge that if we got a sketch filmed, we would definitely put it out regardless. I think I should've learned to have faith in our funny bones by now.

I was ill in the run up to the filming day, so I wasn't bringing any ideas to the meeting, but luckily my dearth of new ideas didn't spread to my ACREolleagues, who both brought funny nuggets that we spent the day nurturing.

The first idea we worked on, Sampson's, was a parody of old instructional videos. Sampson turned up in combat slacks, so the idea was to have a video helping a soldier reintegrate into society. This sketch will probably seem the most polished by the time we're done with it, because so much of it is done in the editing, specifically a patronising voice over and sound effects (cheesy ones). We observed that the extent to which the video was defined by props that came to hand was ridiculous, but delightful. The various 'steps' of how to reintegrate were almost completely informed by various items we found around the house we were filming in. Hopefully this won't come across as slapdash in the finished sketch, it is, however, meant to seem random. We were quite pleased with the flexibility of the way we film, and how we can adapt the sketch to implement these silly props, but in the end it all depends on how funny it looks. We edited the majority of it together, and we were still giggling by the end, so I suppose that augers well. The voiceover is still to do, and we're planning to release it tomorrow, the same time as the podcast. Fingers crossed.

The second idea was to do another mock-news report using my Benjamin Bold character, which I was quite pleased with. I am glad that we are happy and confident in suggesting that we integrate other members' characters into new ideas. The actual topic of the mock-report, however, would require filming in a variety of locations, and as daylight would likely abandon us mid-filming, we decided to put the sketch on the backburner, until we can plan it properly and dedicate an entire day to the filming. I doubt I'll wear the toothbrush moustache for Bold this time around, perhaps I will research other fascistic facial hair and have it on a rota-system for him.

So in the end we decided to film the third idea instead, which was a much simpler, straight sketch proposed by Dafydd. Writing and practising the sketch, which was just a conversation between the three of us, was reminiscent of the first time Sampson and I decided on the topics of our first material. Hard to believe that was over a year ago now, but it was heartening to realise that we are still committed and on the same path, knowing that the decision to get creative wasn't a flash-in-the-pan fad.

The three of us had a meal in The Billygoat's Gruff (pub anonymised) and workshopped turns of phrase for the sketch ad nauseam, until we had a huge list which we cherry-picked from. The assumption there is that we actually came up with some cherries, which, of course, you'll have to be the judge of. I had one single pint of cider with my meal, and devolved into something of a mess, which, as a young male, is something of an embarrasment. It would be very cheap for me if I become an alcoholic. We commandeered the function room upstairs, since Dafydd is an Ogreman at the Billygoat's Gruff (this changing the pub name lark is probably confusing) and so we had the run of the empty room. I had expected the room to be akin to the dingy pits which pass for function rooms in these parts, and so I was very pleasantly surprised. It was genuinely classy up there, which will hopefully add to the sketch, although when I took a preliminary glance at the footage it looked quite dark, so it may end up seeming quite moody and gritty, which will contrast (hopefully comedically) with the actual sketch.

The last sketch was the hardest to film, because it was quite late by this point, and we were all flagging slightly. Not wanting to name any names but Luke Samspon specifically proved a handful, with me and Dafydd having to coax him into action like children poking a spiderweb with a stick in order to rouse the spider. Luckily we all kicked into action eventually, though that episode may prove to be the point where the historians look back and nod sagely and declare that it was all a tragic inevitability.

If our comedy endeavors ever bear fruit commercially, I can envision a time when we will have to struggle with the rampant diva side of Sampson's personality. It'll get us some publicity I suppose.

I don't think I've played it up enough to be really ridiculous here, so the accusation that Sampson is a diva may sound like a real criticism. It isn't meant to be.

The funniest moments of the recording process, for us, often come when we mess up, which is why we put a blooper after every sketch. Quite innocuous things can seem substantially funnier because of the strained and contrived situation that filming/acting is. Because we are so aware of what is meant to happen and what is meant to be said, any deviation from this can be stupidly funny.

It takes us ages to film stuff, far longer than it probably should, because of how dedicated we are to trying to make each other laugh, rather than sacrificing the laugh in the moment to make sure the sketch gets filmed and is funny. It's a similar thing in the radio, when I would sneak hidden abusive messages to Dafydd in the playlist information to throw him off his game when introducing songs. When we were filming the conversational sketch in the function room, Sampson brought us out of our slump and injected energy into the proceedings using two novel methods which I will now outline.

In the first instance, he picked up a number of bar mats before flinging them individually, Gambit-style, across the room at his camera, each time repeating "Muh-fucka". Apparently, this was an impression of Ike Turner.

The second method was to give us a quick run-through of his 'Hitler's Mother Sketch', in which Hitler's mother is characterised as a loud, shrill, stereotypical New Yorker Jewish woman, which is both reductive, xenophobic and mesmerising in equal measure. It is impossible to not get swept up in the passion of the performance, in which Hitler's Mother offers him advice as though shouting up the stairs to her reclusive son, advice such as; "You've got to get ayngree Aydolf, they won't listen to ya if you're not ayngree".

I'm not sure yet which of those will appear at the end of the sketch, 'Hitler's Mother' is hilarious, but possibly offensive. I am uncertain how easily misconstrued that performance would be. We'll see how it looks in the recording.

In other 'me-being-involved-in-comedy-on-youtube' news, the video roundup on the Welsh Unsinged Standup Act (WUSA) Competition from my heat is up now, with me alphabetically placed at the beginning of the video, which is handy for people who want to see me in it (which is everyone, I am the king). My set was edited so that the very beginning and the very end appear on the video, which is interesting because it's a mix of my oldest jokes and brand new stuff I'd only tried that night, and the rude bits from the middle are gone, which means I can show it to my mother. Which is nice.

That video can be found here.

We should be releasing a new podcast and the sketch tomorrow, in which case I will be plugging away to my gut's distress, so keep your bananas peeled for that.

I hope you have a pleasant evening.

@adamgilder
acrecomedy@googlemail.com
www.theacre.net

Yep, It's Still Shining

I probably shouldn't have left it so that my post last week didn't have a conclusion, that was slightly inconsiderate of me. It's the sort of thing that would annoy me as a reader. So my apologies.


The gig went quite well, I did eventually get gonged off because instead of telling jokes I floundered and repeatedly called god a cunt, but in doing so I raised £4 for charity, so maybe there is a god after all. But he is definitely a cunt.


I was able to try out my new story, which was an excellent opportunity as I was then confident enough in it to use on Monday, where I took part in the second heat of the Welsh Unsigned Standup Act competition, which I did really well in, I am through to the semis. I will need to pull my socks up a bit if I want to have any sort of chance in the next round, which is in July.

I think all the fussing and second-guessing that happened last week was definitely worth it, as stressful as it was at the time. It is a process I think I'll have to go through for all new material, just to be certain that I have enough of a grasp on it, although I am hoping that as time goes on the chances of completely blanking like I did in Neath will fall away, eventually becoming 0. I suppose the more material you have the more there is to call upon should things go belly-up. Similarly, the more confident you get as time goes on, the more you'd be able to confidently cover and fill without feeling as though things will crash if you veer from material. Throughout this paragraph I have slowly replaced the term 'I' with the term 'you', I don't know whether this illustrates that my comments are just baseless hypothetical conjecture or whether it's just a trick to distance myself from my own comments.


I automatically use 'you' where I mean 'I' a lot, and it annoys me. It's linguistic trickery, where I remove my agency from the comments, so that it sounds hypothetical and passive, rather than sounding as though it directly involves or represents my opinions.
A little bit of meta-linguistic introspection for you all there, I can only imagine that you are all fascinated and delighted with it.


In only slightly less solipsistic news, we've been slogging away on the sketches, with Hard Reset now joining Just Another Minute on our youtube channel. The feedback we've received has been positive which is great, but I am bracing myself for the eventual, inevitable swathe of 'epic emo gay faggot'-style bile which I figure washes everywhere in the turgid typhoon which is the internet.


When it comes I will say to them (herein referred to as 'The Haters):


Do you know who I am!? I am a Semi-Finalist.


Yes indeed, that'll give them pause for thought.

First Sketch

As you may or may not know, I am a part of a sketch troupe called The ACRE.

We are on community radio every weekend, and we edit the best bits into The ACRE Podcasts, because we are awful modern. Apart from these endeavours, we also write blogs and do live stuff when we can. We are basically creative busybodies, and hopefully we're reaching the point where our idle speculation regarding things we should do has been overtaken by actually doing those things.

Which brings me on to the point of this entry.

We spent a very sunny yesterday in the bustling township of Pontypridd, where we hauled ourselves to a pub with cameras and ideas to come up with a sketch and film it in a couple of hours. We figured the only way we'd get past the planning/potential stages of the thing would be to just go and do it, even if that means a haphazard sketch. It would be a learning curve and an experience which hopefully we could build on.

And that's what happened.

We journeyed into Ponty Park, and took to filming a sketch, the brief of which was Dafydd saying "I want to be up a tree protesting". I am surprised we managed to fill 4 minutes of nothing really.

The end product is a lot punchier and crisper than we expected it could be when we were filming, but the magnificence of editing is that some semblance of narrative can be tricked into place even if there was none at the time of filming.

So here it is, it is full of needless swearing, because we are mature, and it is incredibly silly. We hope it makes you laugh.

www.theacre.net

@adamgilder

acrecomedy@gmail.com

Journal of Cannonby: The Misfortune of Stephen Teal

Since I am working on the radio show I will recycle things I wrote for that here. The following is the script for the 'play' performed on last Saturday's show.

The script was read/played by:

Narrator: Me

Cannonby: Kadoogan Aboogan

Carmarthen Bevan: Me

Stephen Teal: Dafydd Evans

Octnarwhal: Kadoogan Aboogan

*****

Journal: The Remarkable Doings of Cannonby

The Misfortune of Stephen Teal

Narrator:

Resting upon uncharted icy seas, the pirate galleon Sodden Calamity, it's crew of scum, villains, ne'erdowells, antiheroes, blackguards, brutes, caitiffs, creeps, criminals, devils, enfant terribles, evildoers, heels, libertines, lowlives, malefactors, mischief-makers, miscreants, offenders, profligates, rapscallions, rascals, reprobates, scoundrels, sinners, wretches and chefs anxiously grope together for warmth against the biting frigid wind. Within the cabin, however, protected by wood and low hanging drapes, the ship's Captain, one Mr Cannonby, is locked in intense debate with his right hand man Carmarthen Bevan. The ship is stuck solid in the unknown frozen seas, and they are righteously flummoxed as to how to escape.

CNBY: (frustrated) Our ship is stuck solid in this unknown frozen sea, and frankly I am rightously flummoxed as to how to escape.

BVN: (reassuring) Now look here Captain, you've just got to calm down, no good ever came from huffing and puffing like a confuddled bandersnatch.

CNBY: (conceding) You're right, we've got to stay cool, if we put our heads together we can overcome any obstacle.

BVN: Correct, we've been through far worse than this Mr Cannonby.

CNBY: (correcting) Captain.

BVN: Oh yes, Captain, sorry Mr Captain.

CNBY: Oh Carmarthen, when we set sail all those years ago, I never envisaged such an icy hell as this. I've been afloat for so long I feel as though I am forgetting why I ever took to the ocean.

BVN: I've been meaning to ask for several lines now, why did you turn to sailing Mr Cannonby.

CNBY: Captain.

BVN: Mr Captain.

CNBY: Carmarthen, when I left the port at Battersea to go to sea, I went to see what I could see, and, you see, I have seen much of the sea, though not as much as there is to see. I've been to as many places as I could reach, as long as it had a beach, my claims you cannot impeach. I've been to gay Paree where they say oui merci, I saw the Pope in Rome and slapped his chrome dome and was sent home, I've slapped a world map from a sack and attempted a geographical rap. I'm experienced is what I'm saying.

BVN: So how do we escape the ice?

CNBY: (improvise a reply if you want, something that means) I have no idea.

Narrator

Throughout this inane dialogue, the Captain and Carmarthen Bevan remain oblivious to the chilly horror that lies beneath the unmoving misty seas. The Sodden Calamity and its foolhardy crew has become stuck in the territory of the Octnarwhal, 50% octopus, 50% narwhal, 100% terror. 7% proof. It looks like a manatee with eight tentacles and a horn coming out of its face. The horror! Luckily the Octnarwhal rarely rises to break through the icy surface of the oceantop, only breaking its endless hibernation when it hears the phantom strains of wafting melodically over the ocean. Oh dear me, it seems Cannonby's crew are in for a shocking time. Shocktnarwhal.

TEAL: Oh, there's nothing like to warm you frozen barnacles on such a night as this. I, Stephen Teal, declare that nothing can ever spoil such a song.

we'll try and bang etc to replicate the cracking of ice and the sound it would make it an Octnarwhal crashed onto a boats deck.

OCNWL: WHICH TOOTHLESS BUFFOON DARES PLAY AND SUMMONS ME FROM MY ETERNAL SLUMBER?!

TEAL: WOW! It's an Octnarwhal. Never thought I'd see one of them.

OCNWL: SILENCE SCURVY CUR! I WILL HAVE MY OCTNARWHAL VENGEANCE!

TEAL: Look mate, you are stuck in the boards of the ship by your horn, there's not really much you're going to be able to do.

OCNWL: YOU! YOU ARE TAKING BLAME FOR ALL OF THIS! COME HERE.

TEAL: How stupid do you think I am?

OCNWL: YOU ARE CONVERSING WITH AN OCTNARWHAL!

TEAL: Fair point.

OCNWL: Come here. I have sweets.

TEAL: Well, usually I would never accept sweets from an Octnarwhal but since it is Halloween AAAARGH!

OCNWL: HAHAHAH! NOW I HAVE YOU IN MY INKY TENDRILS!

TEAL: Curse you Octnarwhal, curse you and your octopus tentacles. AAAAAAARGH!

CNBY: What's this ruckus? Good lord! A unicorn!

BVN: No Captain, I think you'll find that is an Octnarwhal.

CNBY: Jordi Cruijff! Get it off my ship!

BVN: Righto.

BVN: Well that's sorted that. Oh man alive, take a look at this...

CNBY: E-gads! Stephen Teal! What's happened to his face?

Narrator

And Carmarthen Bevan looked down upon the face of Stephen Teal, which had become wrapped in the inky tentacle of the fearsome Octnarwhal, and behind the ink, where there used to be eyes, a nose and a mouth, instead, there was one single beige egg. A fortnight later the egg hatched, and Stephen Teal was cursed to live the rest of his life with an Octnarwhal pup for a head.

*****

If you're itching to find out what becomes of Cannonby and his crew, we'll be continuing the story tomorrow (Saturday 7th Nov, 2009) sometime during our 12-3 radio show on www.rhonddaradio.com.

Hopefully we'll be able to podcast it aswell.

Ahoy for now.