Rue-tine

My days have molded into a routine where I feel as though I can never get anything substantial organised. As things stand at this point I am attempting to prepare some sections for our new scaled back radio show. We are only on for the one day now, so I am trying to prepare stuff so that it is full to the brim, rather than having long downtime where we don't have all that much time to ensure that we will come up with something entertaining eventually.

Its a weird one because I don't necessarily want to keep on a lot of the old sections, some of them are quite flexible and still fresh, the C-Section for instance, which is malleable enough to go anywhere, and include anything. But there are a number of sections which I feel may have had their time. Footballer or Religious Figure is one of the founding sections, which is becoming increasingly tedious, both in researching and actually delivering. The problem with scrapping it is it also means God or Fabio drops off the radar, which is not ideal as God or Fabio is one of the most reliably energetic sections we have.

What we need to do is come up with some new sections that can house the energy of sections which have run their course, but with the routine I am stuck in, as I said earlier, there's no real time to invest in coming up with new things. Due to the compering gig I have tomorrow, it would be smart to prepare radio things today, leaving me free to concentrate on the gig tomorrow. I am planning on taking a Cannonby in this Saturday, since I have left it hanging for ages, and it really does need to be brought to a close. Preparing an episode of Cannonby usually takes until the early hours, and I feel like I will struggle to battle it out tonight, but leaving it for tomorrow will just ensure that it doesn't get done.

It is likely that the drabness of the routine feeds into this. I hardly do anything that is out of the ordinary for me, with the obvious exception of this compering gig tomorrow, which I hope will throw up an interesting story at least. The nerves for that gig have already set in, although I already feel that flagging that fact is redundant, as I am likely to type that every single time an unusual gig comes my way. Which, bearing in mind how few venues I have currently played, will be the vast majority of gigs that do come my way. It is currently in the 'I just want to do it' stage, which, again, is probably a hindrance in preparing stuff for the radio, because I half feel I should be preparing for that gig. Which I have already done. It is going to rock. I am going to tear the place up. Leave me alone.

We were having a new front door fitted this morning, which meant that my usual morning routine was disturbed, which probably hasn't help put me in a productive mood. I usually spend the morning exercising, which gives me plenty of alone time. Instead of this I opted to hide in the bath reading Dracula, while the dog was locked in the kitchen letting out a neverending barking stream which quickly became infuriating. In the book the Count is described as having a strong jaw and a moustache. Sometimes the tiniest bits of information can shake a worldview to its core. Dracula, with a moustache!? What sort of bizarro world are we living in?

This blog is metaphorically treading creative water, so I will bring it to an abrupt end here so that I can prepare for the radio properly.

Hope that's okay with you. It is? Cool.

Actually, as an afterthought, I have tried to be more observant lately as I have realised I am fairly ignorant, which, as someone who is attempting to be known as a creative writer isn't a fantastic way to be. What I have noticed today is that male children enjoy playing FPS games where the characters are chunky blocks of lego, and female children enjoy watching youtube videos that are very slow photo montage of gay emos (male) kissing. I wasn't heartened by this discovery, as it supports heteronormative assumptions, but I can take solace in that my research sample probably isn't representative. And that out of the 3 female children here 2 are playing the FPS lego shooting game, while only 1 is watching slideshows of snogging emos. That's right snogging. It was either that or macking. Both are useless.

I am no good at ensuring a representative sample, it was a good decision to escape academia, I don't have the patience needed.

@adamgilder
www.theacre.net
acrecomedy@gmail.com

Without Compere

I have been offered a gig as compere on Friday, and so I have spent most of today scrabbling around for information.

I am slightly nervous as to how this gig will go, and while I am hopeful that it could go very well I am prepared for it to be a catastrophe. If I can profess to have a 'style of comedy' without that sounding dickish then I don't think it is overly suited to compering, which is one of the reasons I am so eager to do it. Audience participation hasn't featured very much in my gigs so far, I feel as though the way I perform must make the audience slightly standoffish, it is in a very definite 'I'll talk, you listen' mould. I am trying to be open to new experiences and not turn things down out of an arbitrary preconception that may be founded on nothing. I think that's why our podcasts and sketches (new ones out tomorrow) are slightly frenetic, because we are actively trying so many different ideas and styles. I am really enjoying the experience of turning our hands to different things.

So I spent the afternoon in a mix of researching the Women for Women foundation, which the night is a charity event for, and also scouring forums for advice about compering. Both the Chortle and the Manchester Comedy Forums were a huge help in that regard, as always. Of course it is necessary to sift through some vitriol in order to get to the levelheaded advice but that's the nature of forums I suppose. The advice was essentially that as a compere its essential to keep calm, and to appreciate that every single sentence doesn't have to be a joke, it is more important to create a positive atmosphere than to be considered hilarious. More than the advice being mindblowing I just think the reading of it was a process I needed to go through in order to get in the mindset, although the more practical pieces such as laying out the rules and order of the night etc were invaluable, and flagged up a number of 'well, duh' things that I wouldn't have considered.

The night isn't focused on comedy, and essentially I will be the only comedy element, and I will be introducing two bands. The advice on the subject of compering music gigs was 'Don't', which isn't overly comforting, and my abiding memory of my own personal experience of being on a music bill previously is of a confused and apathetic crowd chatting quietly in front of me. But of course, I know best. This is different to the artsy open mic set up of that gig, but whether or not that'll change this for the better or for the worse, only time will tell. The two bands are Tiger Please and Magden Audio, who I have been checking out since I got home. I am enjoying both of them, which is good, because even if I have a torrid gig I'll get to enjoy them for free. I'll be doing some research on them through the week so that if the crowd really don't want comedy I can just spout something interesting about the bands. Both of the bands are aspirational and fairly professional outfits, which is slightly frightening given that I am being trusted with introducing them. I hope to prove that the organisers blind faith in me is founded by doing my homework and preparing thoroughly, but it will still likely be touch and go until I get up there.

I'm planning to do some material on the charity that the night is for. I figure that since I am getting involved it is the least I can do is a little bit of research, take an interest. I'm hoping that by starting the gig by addressing the charity directly I can contextualise the night, and put people in the 'give some money' mindset. There was mention of me pulling the raffle afterwards so I figure it would be appropriate to actually touch on the charity beforehand. The charity is 'Women for Women' as I mentioned earlier, and the event is called Cycle China, where women go abroad and bike around Beijing (I think, could be Shanghai, will have to check) and get sponsored. I am going to try and play the charity for cheers, get the audience applauding, and also suggest that the women are only taking part for free holidays to China. The charity is run by Professor Robert Winston, who is a face that people would recognise, but not a name, which isn't very useful. He looks like a well-to-do Mario from an alternate dimension. He is allowed to go biking along with the rest of the all-woman group, so I'm going to suggest he has a fetish for sweaty, exhausted bike riding women, and if that goes well I'll suggest he particularly enjoys applying vaseline to the chafing crotches of said women. Fern Britton is also heavily involved with the charity, and on one occasion she went of the fundraiser biking through Jordan. If the stuff about the charity is working I'll say I would have given her a lot more money if she rode Jordan through on a bike, rather than riding through Jordan on a bike. It needs to be phrased better, I'm working on it. I am trying to get charity-specific material because I feel as though just going on as compere and ploughing through the comfortable 10 I have at the moment would be wrong. It could just be a variant on the nerves I get before any gig though, where I feel as though nothing I've ever said or written has been funny and I am about to make a colossal bell of myself.

I have completely failed at audience participation in the past, probably because my act tends to be a self-contained monologue which I then break out of abruptly to ask a question, which ends up with someone in the front row looking blankly and slightly frightened at me. I have just realised it's always a woman aswell, but that says more about my bias in selecting a questionee rather than anything else. Rather than opting for 'where are you from?' / 'what do you do?' questions that are the staple of audience banter, I figured I would go with a 'what bands do you like?' angle, focusing on the music, which is really what people are there for. Given that the bands on the bill are on the indie/rock end of the scale, I am hoping that I will be familiar with most bands that might get shouted out, and if I am I will do my best to do a knobbish impression of them. I was driving home when I decided on that, and I gave myself a headrush from screaming "ghost in the fog!" on the top of my lungs. This was an impression of Cradle of Filth, who I have never really heard, and it is an impression I stole of my ACREolleague Gethin, who is somewhat extreme on occasion.

My only real worry about this gig is that there will be an empty dancefloor in front of the stage while I am on, because I am not overly sure how I would go about bringing people forward, which I would have to do. There's only so long I can be funny to 10 foot of empty space before it becomes pathetic. I spoke to Dafydd about it earlier and he suggested that I would have to follow the example of Matt Price and go out into the audience and corral them directly, which I am not overly eager to do, but perhaps if I wind myself up enough beforehand I would be able to do it well enough.

Hopefully I am being too pessimistic here, but it will prove to be a delicate balance on the night, having to weigh up just how much I would be willing to cajole people into listening to the comedy given that it is a music gig, not wanting to sully it for the bands, but also wanting to keep it bouncing along for the charity end of it aswell. I am really looking forward to the experience.

Worst case scenario is they aren't interested in the comedy and I look like a bellend. I can deal with that. And in that eventuality at least I can take solace that I cared enough to try, and that it is everyone elses fault for being a narrowminded muso.

Of course, that's not going to happen because the gig will be outstanding. How can it not be, with a semi-finalist at the helm?

My Sketchy Bank Holiyesterday

Since yesterday was a day where the banks were on holiday (hence; Bank Holiday = ETYMOLOGYTASTIC!?) both myself and my ACREmpatriots spent the day playing with creative equipment, attempting to bash out some more sketches to showcase on our youtube channel.

Sometimes our slapdash, last-minute approach to sketch writing makes me slightly nervous as to whether or not certain ideas will be funny or not. These nerves are further compounded by the knowledge that if we got a sketch filmed, we would definitely put it out regardless. I think I should've learned to have faith in our funny bones by now.

I was ill in the run up to the filming day, so I wasn't bringing any ideas to the meeting, but luckily my dearth of new ideas didn't spread to my ACREolleagues, who both brought funny nuggets that we spent the day nurturing.

The first idea we worked on, Sampson's, was a parody of old instructional videos. Sampson turned up in combat slacks, so the idea was to have a video helping a soldier reintegrate into society. This sketch will probably seem the most polished by the time we're done with it, because so much of it is done in the editing, specifically a patronising voice over and sound effects (cheesy ones). We observed that the extent to which the video was defined by props that came to hand was ridiculous, but delightful. The various 'steps' of how to reintegrate were almost completely informed by various items we found around the house we were filming in. Hopefully this won't come across as slapdash in the finished sketch, it is, however, meant to seem random. We were quite pleased with the flexibility of the way we film, and how we can adapt the sketch to implement these silly props, but in the end it all depends on how funny it looks. We edited the majority of it together, and we were still giggling by the end, so I suppose that augers well. The voiceover is still to do, and we're planning to release it tomorrow, the same time as the podcast. Fingers crossed.

The second idea was to do another mock-news report using my Benjamin Bold character, which I was quite pleased with. I am glad that we are happy and confident in suggesting that we integrate other members' characters into new ideas. The actual topic of the mock-report, however, would require filming in a variety of locations, and as daylight would likely abandon us mid-filming, we decided to put the sketch on the backburner, until we can plan it properly and dedicate an entire day to the filming. I doubt I'll wear the toothbrush moustache for Bold this time around, perhaps I will research other fascistic facial hair and have it on a rota-system for him.

So in the end we decided to film the third idea instead, which was a much simpler, straight sketch proposed by Dafydd. Writing and practising the sketch, which was just a conversation between the three of us, was reminiscent of the first time Sampson and I decided on the topics of our first material. Hard to believe that was over a year ago now, but it was heartening to realise that we are still committed and on the same path, knowing that the decision to get creative wasn't a flash-in-the-pan fad.

The three of us had a meal in The Billygoat's Gruff (pub anonymised) and workshopped turns of phrase for the sketch ad nauseam, until we had a huge list which we cherry-picked from. The assumption there is that we actually came up with some cherries, which, of course, you'll have to be the judge of. I had one single pint of cider with my meal, and devolved into something of a mess, which, as a young male, is something of an embarrasment. It would be very cheap for me if I become an alcoholic. We commandeered the function room upstairs, since Dafydd is an Ogreman at the Billygoat's Gruff (this changing the pub name lark is probably confusing) and so we had the run of the empty room. I had expected the room to be akin to the dingy pits which pass for function rooms in these parts, and so I was very pleasantly surprised. It was genuinely classy up there, which will hopefully add to the sketch, although when I took a preliminary glance at the footage it looked quite dark, so it may end up seeming quite moody and gritty, which will contrast (hopefully comedically) with the actual sketch.

The last sketch was the hardest to film, because it was quite late by this point, and we were all flagging slightly. Not wanting to name any names but Luke Samspon specifically proved a handful, with me and Dafydd having to coax him into action like children poking a spiderweb with a stick in order to rouse the spider. Luckily we all kicked into action eventually, though that episode may prove to be the point where the historians look back and nod sagely and declare that it was all a tragic inevitability.

If our comedy endeavors ever bear fruit commercially, I can envision a time when we will have to struggle with the rampant diva side of Sampson's personality. It'll get us some publicity I suppose.

I don't think I've played it up enough to be really ridiculous here, so the accusation that Sampson is a diva may sound like a real criticism. It isn't meant to be.

The funniest moments of the recording process, for us, often come when we mess up, which is why we put a blooper after every sketch. Quite innocuous things can seem substantially funnier because of the strained and contrived situation that filming/acting is. Because we are so aware of what is meant to happen and what is meant to be said, any deviation from this can be stupidly funny.

It takes us ages to film stuff, far longer than it probably should, because of how dedicated we are to trying to make each other laugh, rather than sacrificing the laugh in the moment to make sure the sketch gets filmed and is funny. It's a similar thing in the radio, when I would sneak hidden abusive messages to Dafydd in the playlist information to throw him off his game when introducing songs. When we were filming the conversational sketch in the function room, Sampson brought us out of our slump and injected energy into the proceedings using two novel methods which I will now outline.

In the first instance, he picked up a number of bar mats before flinging them individually, Gambit-style, across the room at his camera, each time repeating "Muh-fucka". Apparently, this was an impression of Ike Turner.

The second method was to give us a quick run-through of his 'Hitler's Mother Sketch', in which Hitler's mother is characterised as a loud, shrill, stereotypical New Yorker Jewish woman, which is both reductive, xenophobic and mesmerising in equal measure. It is impossible to not get swept up in the passion of the performance, in which Hitler's Mother offers him advice as though shouting up the stairs to her reclusive son, advice such as; "You've got to get ayngree Aydolf, they won't listen to ya if you're not ayngree".

I'm not sure yet which of those will appear at the end of the sketch, 'Hitler's Mother' is hilarious, but possibly offensive. I am uncertain how easily misconstrued that performance would be. We'll see how it looks in the recording.

In other 'me-being-involved-in-comedy-on-youtube' news, the video roundup on the Welsh Unsinged Standup Act (WUSA) Competition from my heat is up now, with me alphabetically placed at the beginning of the video, which is handy for people who want to see me in it (which is everyone, I am the king). My set was edited so that the very beginning and the very end appear on the video, which is interesting because it's a mix of my oldest jokes and brand new stuff I'd only tried that night, and the rude bits from the middle are gone, which means I can show it to my mother. Which is nice.

That video can be found here.

We should be releasing a new podcast and the sketch tomorrow, in which case I will be plugging away to my gut's distress, so keep your bananas peeled for that.

I hope you have a pleasant evening.

@adamgilder
acrecomedy@googlemail.com
www.theacre.net

Yep, It's Still Shining

I probably shouldn't have left it so that my post last week didn't have a conclusion, that was slightly inconsiderate of me. It's the sort of thing that would annoy me as a reader. So my apologies.


The gig went quite well, I did eventually get gonged off because instead of telling jokes I floundered and repeatedly called god a cunt, but in doing so I raised £4 for charity, so maybe there is a god after all. But he is definitely a cunt.


I was able to try out my new story, which was an excellent opportunity as I was then confident enough in it to use on Monday, where I took part in the second heat of the Welsh Unsigned Standup Act competition, which I did really well in, I am through to the semis. I will need to pull my socks up a bit if I want to have any sort of chance in the next round, which is in July.

I think all the fussing and second-guessing that happened last week was definitely worth it, as stressful as it was at the time. It is a process I think I'll have to go through for all new material, just to be certain that I have enough of a grasp on it, although I am hoping that as time goes on the chances of completely blanking like I did in Neath will fall away, eventually becoming 0. I suppose the more material you have the more there is to call upon should things go belly-up. Similarly, the more confident you get as time goes on, the more you'd be able to confidently cover and fill without feeling as though things will crash if you veer from material. Throughout this paragraph I have slowly replaced the term 'I' with the term 'you', I don't know whether this illustrates that my comments are just baseless hypothetical conjecture or whether it's just a trick to distance myself from my own comments.


I automatically use 'you' where I mean 'I' a lot, and it annoys me. It's linguistic trickery, where I remove my agency from the comments, so that it sounds hypothetical and passive, rather than sounding as though it directly involves or represents my opinions.
A little bit of meta-linguistic introspection for you all there, I can only imagine that you are all fascinated and delighted with it.


In only slightly less solipsistic news, we've been slogging away on the sketches, with Hard Reset now joining Just Another Minute on our youtube channel. The feedback we've received has been positive which is great, but I am bracing myself for the eventual, inevitable swathe of 'epic emo gay faggot'-style bile which I figure washes everywhere in the turgid typhoon which is the internet.


When it comes I will say to them (herein referred to as 'The Haters):


Do you know who I am!? I am a Semi-Finalist.


Yes indeed, that'll give them pause for thought.

The Sun Shines Out of Mine

My day today has been coloured by a constant niggling level of nerves, due to having a gig in Swansea tonight.


I've written new stuff to flesh out my set, and been occupying myself by running and re-running through the set in my head, recording it and replaying it to myself and making a bullet point list of the running order of it in a series of tedious attempts to remember it.


My all-in attitude to memorising this new stuff comes from having blanked completely during my last gig and being left on stage open-mouthed and silent, looking like a grade-a bellend, and no mistake.


I've reverted to my old tactic of attempting to mesh the material in a (perhaps somewhat contrived) narrative flow, so that it is less staggered, and therefore, in theory, easier to remember. It seems to be working so far, and actually outlining the blow-by-blow of the material (this is a pun given the nature of the set, so I will titter to myself) has helped no-end in committing it to memory. Of course all this blathering might be hugely premature, only time will tell. I also plan on putting the bullet points on my hand before I go on, which I've not done before, but I think it's necessary, I want at all costs to avoid the complete blank that happened before.


I am a lot happier with the new material than I was with the stuff I had planned to say before I blanked, which I think will also be a lot of help. Being genuinely enthused by the things you want to say is likely a much better catalyst than trying to remember a story that you think people are going to react badly to. I also hadn't learnt it well enough.


This entry has devolved quite quickly into anxious hypothesising, it is essentially the blogging equivalent of rubbing palms together or biting your fingernails.


So in a slight change of focus, I am quite awed by how difficult it must have been to attend far-flung nights without the aid of e-mail, satnav and google maps. I have a spot tonight in a bar which I've never visited, and despite this I not only know exactly where it is, thanks to google maps, I also know where I'm going to park, as well as being aware of several alternatives should those spaces be full.


I am very grateful for all this technology, if I had to potter around Swansea by myself looking for the venue on the night, I think I would be reduced to a gibbering nervous wreck. Even as it is I am not wholly comfortable with the process, I get infused with a mix of excitement, of feeling very grown up indeed, and then with an acute feeling of being very clearly outside my comfort zone, which probably isn't hugely conductive when I am attempting to remember a new story I plan on telling.


I'm sure the only answer is to heed the advice that the Pub Landlord would surely give, which is to SNAP OUT OF IT!


The gig tonight starts quite late, so I am confident that I'll get there with plenty of time to spare, and I will use the time beforehand wisely, running through my set like I should have done before, where instead I sat staring into the middle-distance like a vacant dolt. That's right, a dolt.


This blog is a burst of rampant solipsism, I must apologise. Hopefully it hasn't been too nauseating getting to see the view of the inside of my brain, which seems to be lodged squarely up my own arse.


This has been an exercise in releasing nervous energy, if it's not enough I will have to torture a kitten or something, who knows.


Expect a blow-by-blow post mortem of the gig tomorrow. Actually, don't.