Journal: The Remarkable Doings of Cannonby
Back Then We Used to Get Away with Just Scraped Japa-Knees
Narrator
When last we met with our feckless champions they had been forced to divide into two convenient parties of 3 members, in order to manufacture a contrived sense of urgency, and also to help out the voice actors who will have to focus on less accents per week and therefore wont get so vocally confuddled. But mostly because it is what really happened! As I'm sure we've all come to expect from the team, little to nothing is known about either of the approaches they are taking up to Vinehaven, but such a formidable stronghold is sure to be protected by alarmingly strange and daunting guardians. Living in the trees, soaring through the air, or rustling in the undergrowth...
BORIS: (alarmed) Did you hear that!?
SNOW: Calm down Boris, it is only the undergrowth rustling.
BORIS: The undergrowth doesn't rustle all by itself Bludonna!
SNOW: Don't get chippy with me boy, I am the boss of you.
BORIS: You'd be seal-feed if it wasn't for me, I need to discover a little something to make you sweeter. Bludonna refrain, from busting my balls.
SNOW: Know your place you impudent horsebox.
BORIS: No religion or reason, could drive a-me to forsake Bludonna. But you give me a reason, and you make me work so hard, Bludonna please, give a little respect to-ooooh-hooo oh me!
SNOW: No.
BVN: Is this really how we're going to open this week?
BORIS: There is nothing wrong with musical homage.
BVN: No, but it is slightly
SNOW: (said like 'OH MY GOD!') Biggs and Wedge! Boris, what just happened?
BORIS: Bevan was dragged into the underbrush by a mysterious, and huge, creature.
SNOW: (said as an expletive) Perestroika! What a hideous thing to have happened. Oh well, as they say in the motherland, the less mouths to feed, the merrier.
BORIS: No. Bevan is my comrade. We are not leaving him to his vague underbrush based fate.
SNOW: What do you suggest we do Boris? Dive into the undertrees and save him using our tree-based powers? Of which there are none!
BORIS: Of course not, we are going to lure the tree-creature out and battle him in a clearing, obviously.
SNOW: And how do you suggest we do that?
BORIS: With the power of radio!
Narrator
Boris and Bludonna carried along the path, and unexpectedly found themselves in an expansive clearing. From the rustling emanating from the surrounding greenery, it was becoming apparent that the guardian was becoming restless and impatient.
BORIS: Listen to that rustling Bludonna! I'd say it is fairly apparent that the creature is becoming restless and impatient.
SNOW: Good. Let him come and eat you Boris, I am becoming jaded by this entire experience.
BORIS: BLUDONNA! How could you say such a heinous (hay-nous) thing!?
SNOW: Oh hush, fret not dear Boris, mother will protect you. My speciality may be seals but I am fully capable of clubbing anything that mother nature throws at me. SMASH!
BORIS: Here it comes!
SNOW: Goodness gracious me!
BORIS: HUBBA BUBBA!
SNOW: Crimeny!
BORIS: Yipes!
SNOW: It are heawage!
BORIS: It's like a giant millipede, but instead of feet it hav blades!
KTNA: Watashi wa Katanapillar dayo.
BORIS: It is hideous!
SNOW: It speaks in the eviltongue!
KTNA: Ho ho ho. So desu ka Brudonna-chan. Ore wa eviru ja nai.
SNOW: Lies! You are clearly evil. You are a giant caterpilar with samurai swords instead of legs!
KTNA: KATANAPILLAR DESU YO!
BORIS: ARGH! I am frightened!
SNOW: MAN UP, MAN! Are we going to save Bevan or not?
BORIS: You're right. Lets kick katanass.
KTNA: Omae to, dai kirai! Boris to Brudonna to bakayarou desu! Ore no chikara, gorannasai.
SNOW: Boris, watch you, he's going to dive!
BORIS: Heeaaaaa!
KTNA: (laughing) Omoshiroi.
SNOW: Boris, distract him.
BORIS: Over here you sharpened bell!
KTNA: Nan-datto?
BORIS: Now Bludonna, he's looking this way.
SNOW: (ad-libbed battle cry)
KTNA: ITTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI!
SNOW: That'll show you.
BORIS: Something shot out of his giant catterpillar mouth!
BVN: (coughing) Oh that was no fun. I am covered in caterpilar gut-juice.
SNOW: It suits you Bevan, there is nothing sexier than a man covered with the digestive fluid of a giant devilcat.
BORIS: You are a strange lady, lady.
Narrator
Having easily overcome the katanapillar, our heroes tread steadily onward toward their destination, which is Vinehaven, remember. They are so very lucky not to have incurred any serious injuries, and having Carmarthen Bevan festooned with sexy caterpilar juice is a small price to have paid. I bet you weren't expecting to hear that when you woke up today. SEXY CATERPILAR JUICE. Mm-mm! Next week, more Cannonby, less caterpilar, 100% SEX-AY. We'll see you on the next-weekside!
*****
New show tomorrow http://www.rhonddaradio.com 12-3.
Our podcasts are up on the website http://www.theacre.net.
But then you knew that didn't you?
Cheers everyone.
www.theacre.net
@adamgilder
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