Throw Your Hatred Down

Yes, throw your hatred down. It is more likely to hit a child.

Why do they always sit next to me? Is it because I work in a child-intensive environment? Yes, it is. This in no way changes the fact that I am incredibly enfuried with their behaviour.

Sat in front of a computer screen like chittering gibberlings cheeping at a YouTube video, a video with no sound, as though a chubby woman falling off a table is the funniest thing they could possibly encounter in their idiotic, childish life.

"Oh god like, it's the funniest thing even like, god. When I saw it the first time I was laughing like, so funny, god."

"She's going to fall off the table I can tell. She's going to fall off the table isn't she? I just know she's going to fall off the table. Fall off the table. Off the table."

"Just watch it"

"Table, off of the fall, like, god, falling off the, she is going to isn't she? She is, I can tell"

"AHHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAHAHAHAH SHE FELL OFF THE TABEL!"

So I hung my head in shame, cast my notepad of comedy ideas into the fireplace, stood up on a table and fell off.

But the kids, they could tell my heart wasn't in it. They saw me as a doppelganger johnny-come-lately, attempting to cash in on the new 'chubby people falling off a table' rage that is sweeping the nation. I was just jumping on the bandwagon, which backfired as there was a table on there, which I promptly fell off.

Of course, what these kids don't realise is that we are just going through a 'chubby people falling off a table' revival, they have no knowledge of it as they weren't alive to catch the craze the first time around. And even the first wave of 'chubby people falling off a table' was highly derivative of their predecessors, drawing heavily from such genres as 'skinny people falling off a table' and 'old people falling off a table'. Of course it's spawned many splinter sub-genres including 'drunk people falling off a table' and even 'chubby people falling off a chair'. I suppose I am too jaded and too much of a 'falling off a table' elitist to enjoy this new wave of light-hearted schadenfreudenanigans.

And thus I lost my faith in youth.

Later on though, I had to rid the room of a group of children who were loitering around the top end of the room not actually using a computer and just looking slightly shifty, which was setting the aged on edge. I asked them to leave and they did, leaving their chairs scattered haphazardly as they went. My heart sank further, thinking to myself; what cost is there on neatness?

One of the shaven chimpanzees caught my gaze, understood his mistake and sheathed the chairs underneath their respective desks. He cast his eyes at me, like a puppy awaiting a treat having pissed in an appropriate location. I smiled at him wanly.

"Cheers, butt" I said.

He smiled, nodded his head and bowed out of the double doors graciously.

I still don't like kids though.

@adamgilder

www.theacre.net