Without Compere

I have been offered a gig as compere on Friday, and so I have spent most of today scrabbling around for information.

I am slightly nervous as to how this gig will go, and while I am hopeful that it could go very well I am prepared for it to be a catastrophe. If I can profess to have a 'style of comedy' without that sounding dickish then I don't think it is overly suited to compering, which is one of the reasons I am so eager to do it. Audience participation hasn't featured very much in my gigs so far, I feel as though the way I perform must make the audience slightly standoffish, it is in a very definite 'I'll talk, you listen' mould. I am trying to be open to new experiences and not turn things down out of an arbitrary preconception that may be founded on nothing. I think that's why our podcasts and sketches (new ones out tomorrow) are slightly frenetic, because we are actively trying so many different ideas and styles. I am really enjoying the experience of turning our hands to different things.

So I spent the afternoon in a mix of researching the Women for Women foundation, which the night is a charity event for, and also scouring forums for advice about compering. Both the Chortle and the Manchester Comedy Forums were a huge help in that regard, as always. Of course it is necessary to sift through some vitriol in order to get to the levelheaded advice but that's the nature of forums I suppose. The advice was essentially that as a compere its essential to keep calm, and to appreciate that every single sentence doesn't have to be a joke, it is more important to create a positive atmosphere than to be considered hilarious. More than the advice being mindblowing I just think the reading of it was a process I needed to go through in order to get in the mindset, although the more practical pieces such as laying out the rules and order of the night etc were invaluable, and flagged up a number of 'well, duh' things that I wouldn't have considered.

The night isn't focused on comedy, and essentially I will be the only comedy element, and I will be introducing two bands. The advice on the subject of compering music gigs was 'Don't', which isn't overly comforting, and my abiding memory of my own personal experience of being on a music bill previously is of a confused and apathetic crowd chatting quietly in front of me. But of course, I know best. This is different to the artsy open mic set up of that gig, but whether or not that'll change this for the better or for the worse, only time will tell. The two bands are Tiger Please and Magden Audio, who I have been checking out since I got home. I am enjoying both of them, which is good, because even if I have a torrid gig I'll get to enjoy them for free. I'll be doing some research on them through the week so that if the crowd really don't want comedy I can just spout something interesting about the bands. Both of the bands are aspirational and fairly professional outfits, which is slightly frightening given that I am being trusted with introducing them. I hope to prove that the organisers blind faith in me is founded by doing my homework and preparing thoroughly, but it will still likely be touch and go until I get up there.

I'm planning to do some material on the charity that the night is for. I figure that since I am getting involved it is the least I can do is a little bit of research, take an interest. I'm hoping that by starting the gig by addressing the charity directly I can contextualise the night, and put people in the 'give some money' mindset. There was mention of me pulling the raffle afterwards so I figure it would be appropriate to actually touch on the charity beforehand. The charity is 'Women for Women' as I mentioned earlier, and the event is called Cycle China, where women go abroad and bike around Beijing (I think, could be Shanghai, will have to check) and get sponsored. I am going to try and play the charity for cheers, get the audience applauding, and also suggest that the women are only taking part for free holidays to China. The charity is run by Professor Robert Winston, who is a face that people would recognise, but not a name, which isn't very useful. He looks like a well-to-do Mario from an alternate dimension. He is allowed to go biking along with the rest of the all-woman group, so I'm going to suggest he has a fetish for sweaty, exhausted bike riding women, and if that goes well I'll suggest he particularly enjoys applying vaseline to the chafing crotches of said women. Fern Britton is also heavily involved with the charity, and on one occasion she went of the fundraiser biking through Jordan. If the stuff about the charity is working I'll say I would have given her a lot more money if she rode Jordan through on a bike, rather than riding through Jordan on a bike. It needs to be phrased better, I'm working on it. I am trying to get charity-specific material because I feel as though just going on as compere and ploughing through the comfortable 10 I have at the moment would be wrong. It could just be a variant on the nerves I get before any gig though, where I feel as though nothing I've ever said or written has been funny and I am about to make a colossal bell of myself.

I have completely failed at audience participation in the past, probably because my act tends to be a self-contained monologue which I then break out of abruptly to ask a question, which ends up with someone in the front row looking blankly and slightly frightened at me. I have just realised it's always a woman aswell, but that says more about my bias in selecting a questionee rather than anything else. Rather than opting for 'where are you from?' / 'what do you do?' questions that are the staple of audience banter, I figured I would go with a 'what bands do you like?' angle, focusing on the music, which is really what people are there for. Given that the bands on the bill are on the indie/rock end of the scale, I am hoping that I will be familiar with most bands that might get shouted out, and if I am I will do my best to do a knobbish impression of them. I was driving home when I decided on that, and I gave myself a headrush from screaming "ghost in the fog!" on the top of my lungs. This was an impression of Cradle of Filth, who I have never really heard, and it is an impression I stole of my ACREolleague Gethin, who is somewhat extreme on occasion.

My only real worry about this gig is that there will be an empty dancefloor in front of the stage while I am on, because I am not overly sure how I would go about bringing people forward, which I would have to do. There's only so long I can be funny to 10 foot of empty space before it becomes pathetic. I spoke to Dafydd about it earlier and he suggested that I would have to follow the example of Matt Price and go out into the audience and corral them directly, which I am not overly eager to do, but perhaps if I wind myself up enough beforehand I would be able to do it well enough.

Hopefully I am being too pessimistic here, but it will prove to be a delicate balance on the night, having to weigh up just how much I would be willing to cajole people into listening to the comedy given that it is a music gig, not wanting to sully it for the bands, but also wanting to keep it bouncing along for the charity end of it aswell. I am really looking forward to the experience.

Worst case scenario is they aren't interested in the comedy and I look like a bellend. I can deal with that. And in that eventuality at least I can take solace that I cared enough to try, and that it is everyone elses fault for being a narrowminded muso.

Of course, that's not going to happen because the gig will be outstanding. How can it not be, with a semi-finalist at the helm?