I Now Do Politics

I rather doggedly decided to stay up as the election results came in, managing to last until about 6am before conceding to the forces of exhaustion.

I don't make a habit of watching rolling news, as I am not a masochist, and putting myself through 8 hours of it was quite a strange experience. For example, I now have an affinity to Huw Edwards which didn't exist before. The jumps from rushed excitement to periods of slow nothing was disconcerting and unusual in a medium which prides itself on being slick and constant. Huw's steady hand on the tiller of the juddering schizophrenic coverage was very welcome, especially as the actual results coming in were nauseating enough, even with steady presenting.

There was an odd mix of genuine sincerity and PR arseguff all sloshing together last night, and certain juxtapositions as results came in illuminated hypocrisies fairly clearly. One of the reasons I feel a large number of people are so apathetic when it comes to politics is the way in which candidates are allowed to make vast pronouncements that are complete horseshit.

One such moment for me came during Cameron's speech as he was re-elected in his constituency, claiming that they had run a positive campaign, focused on what they could do, rather than on smearing the other parties. This rang hollow with me, as I drive past a full-size side-of-the-road billboards which either contain mock-ups of Gordon Brown's face with 'Neener-neener-neener' scribbled all over it or Cameron's smug laminated gurn with 'Laber ere crapp' alongside it. It is such a blatant lie, and it frustrates me that we can't paddle his oleaginous hide everytime such straight lies are peddled. I found the scenes where Ed Balls was re-elected similarly distasteful, there'd clearly been a slightly mucky battle happening there.

On the complete other side of the scale, I was genuinely impressed by the sincerity of both Lembit Opik and the new MP Glyn Davies. The former's disappointment at not being re-elected, for me, came sincerely because he would not be able to continue serving the constituency, rather than from a more dubious source. His honesty in claiming that he thought he would win and was surprised, along with Glyn Davies admitting that he also hadn't expected to be voted in, was very endearing, and was again, for me, the first time in the night where some straight up honesty had been shown all night. The respect that the two later professed for each other also seemed warm and honest.

A similar situation cropped up in Cardiff North, where Julie Morgan was very narrowly beaten by a Tory MP, Jonathan Evans. When interviewed afterwards, Julie Morgan was visibly shaken, similarly to Lembit Opik, she had clearly slogged for her constituency. Differently to the Montgomeryshire seat, however, I felt that Jonathan Evans gushing praise of Morgan came across as being limp and arbitrary, but perhaps a lot of that is based on my on gut instinct and a general dislike of Conservatism in general. To my understanding, Glyn Davies is local to Montgomeryshire, and therefore in a good position to represent the area, whereas the takeover in Cardiff North felt as though the Tories had drafted in a fairly prominent Tory in order to oust a respected Labour candidate, and as good a Parliamentarian (ooh, Gilder's learnt a new word) Jonathan Evans might be, I feel his effectiveness must be dulled by a lack of knowledge of the area.

In the constituency where I live, Labour were voted back in comfortably. In fact, it was one of the most comfortable margins I saw all night, though my mother later commented that Labour could field a monkey in a suit and the Rhondda would still vote him in. It is probably out of turn for me to comment on Chris Bryant as my overt interest in politics (and local politics specifically) is very newfound and I have very little knowledge of what he has done for the area, but I would have to say that he has done his level best on occasion to live up to the monkey in a suit description. That is likely slightly unfair, as my only real knowledge of him is that he lives somewhere in England, not ideally located to be hands-on in the valleys, and he also once appeared on webcam wearing pants on his head. Hay, nothing wrong with that, right? I am proud to live in a country where politicians are free to wear underwear on their heads and the People can see past that and support their policies. I mean, at the end of our last sketch Sampson appeared only in his pants, and that is preserved for all to see at their whim on our youtube channel. He's not an MP, though. And he has a CRB check. He has 3, actually. THAT'S BUREAUCRACY!

I was quite pleased that although Labour won through with a landslide majority in the Rhondda, the second and third candidates were Plaid Cymru and the Lib Dems, with no real presence for Tories or the Embarrassing Racist Parties (UKIP, BNP). It seems that the stereotypical portrayal of valleys folk as having narrow minded homophobic and racist tendencies doesn't play out in practice. I suppose its a case of empty vessels make most noise, and though there are vocal proponents of ignorance to be found, there is a vast majority looking on in pity and quietly tutting. I will have to reassess my own prejudices.

So we are now 'doomed' to a hung parliament on this occasion, although I think it'll be a good thing, we've had a hung, or to use the more positively-charged phrase, balanced parliament in the Assembly for awhile now, and Wales hasn't imploded as of yet. Ideally I am hoping for a Lib-Lab mix, bringing in some reform, then we can look forward to a slightly fairer process next time around, hopefully sooner rather than later, that's probably all we can ever hope for, that we follow through on our good intentions and aim to always be making things better.

That's right, I have deprived myself of sleep, become more politicised and I am now expounding positive and hopeful pronouncements for the future.

Huw Edwards has brainwashed me.

Also, Betsan Powys was the head girl at my mother's school. I just thought I should say as my mother felt it was necessary to remind me of this fact every time Betsan Powys came on the screen. Which was often, because Betsan Powys is the political editor for BBC Wales. Since we were watching BBC Wales, and the nature of the broadcast was explicitly political (the election is pretty political) then Betsan Powys appeared frequently. She was head girl at my mother's school, you know.

If you are reading this and David Cameron has become the Prime Minister, meet me at the agreed place and engage Contingency Plan #KDC1066.

Let us consume the Jellybaby Man.