Top Ten, Stop Ten: the Second

Well that is a relief.

Almost as though acknowledging that I have had a week where summoning fever-pitch fury has proven difficult, the Top Ten has remained mercifully static. As I have decided is customary, instead of the usual lambasting of popular singles, I will instead provide a gushing recommendation of music I enjoy. A sane person may question why I choose to continue with the self-inflicted slog of weekly reviewing music that I clearly view with distaste, and to them I say: touché. Oh! anonymous inquisitors, how you cut to the quick of things.

Essentially, and hopefully honestly, it is far easier, and safer, to criticise than it is to commend. However, that is far more of an excuse than a reason, and if pushed to give my original, and rather high and mighty reason for beginning this exercise, it was in order to highlight the potentially dangerous use of thoughtless lyrics, as my area of expertise is linguistics, rather than music. I began this endeavour in the hope of unearthing huge reservoirs of ignorance and ill-will coursing below the surface of songs, but as weeks have gone by I have discovered that as a rule the songs are lazy and boring, rather than secretly '–ist' in any way.

While mediocrity and a paucity of ambition are nowhere near as bad as, say, overt sexism or racism, it is still not commendable in what is ostensibly art. So if sometimes the ire I heap upon songs seems disproportionate, remember that I do it for the future, in order to safeguard art, dya get me? Yeah. I am like the music Batman or something. Even with the silly lines after the ‘safeguard art’ sentence I am still not sure whether people will understand that it was a ludicrous joke, so now I have added this blatant line here outlining that I am, perhaps, not taking the end of this paragraph wholly seriously. The first line of the paragraph is valid though, I’m proud of it at least. Why don’t you put it on a poster or something?

In the previous (and only other) of these positive music posts I mentioned that I would give a gushing to Dog Fashion Disco / Polkadot Cadaver, and I am a blogger of my word(s).

Dog Fashion Disco and Polkadot Cadaver will always go together, in my mind at least, as they have much the same line up. The members of DFD chose to change the name of the group after one member decided to give up music, feeling the need, perhaps, to signify this alteration. Despite this, Polkadot is very definitely a stylistic continuation of DFD, so fans of one will almost certainly be fans of the other.

Dog Fashion Disco’s magnum opus, and my first and favourite album of theirs, is certainly Adultery, a dark and nuanced concept album tracking the descent of a man into madness. The album plays like a suspenseful and stylish film noir, which is remarkably conveyed using only the music, especially considering that the iconic visuals are perhaps the most striking aspect of the genre. Every track is a triumph in and of itself, with new ground being broken in each one, showcasing an uncanny mastery of an eclectic assortment of musical styles. The album weaves through driven heavy metal, haunting chanted choral singing, bursts of spoken word, a Johnny Cash pastiche and a manic burst of jarring manic elevator music. What is particularly impressive is that these diverse and very different tracks fit comfortably into the narrative, where in another album it could feel overly jittery. In fact, the stark contrast of the tracks only accentuate the edge of frantic madness that the album is laden with, which often provides a frightening immersion into their characterisation of the madman. Adultery should rank highly amongst the most gripping and masterful albums that never have achieved the acknowledgement they deserve.

Polkadot Cadaver’s debut offering, Purgatory Dance Party, was something of a departure from the full on, immersive, epic nature of Adultery, focusing more on dark comedy, and subverting pop and disco sensibilities in particular. At its best the humour of Polkadot can reach a delightfully sinister darkness, such as in the bleak track Chloroform Girl. The menacing lines “Chloroform girl, how have you been? / Don’t let me catch you sleeping again” are given the tint of eerie madness due to being sung incredibly tenderly over a loosely strummed guitar and xylophone melody that would, with other lyrics, be a song describable only as “lovely”. The lyrics are also incredibly naïve, “You’re only alive because I like you”, with the singer characterised as simple and deranged, and with the addition of a slow and ominously deep bass-line the song is turned into a chilling masterpiece.

Polkadot utilise synth significantly more than the more metal-oriented DFD, but often this does not detract from the pace and force of tracks, with powerful, driven tracks like Pure Bedlam for Halfbreeds and Bring Me the Head of Andy Warhol packing a vigorous punch. Despite the seemingly forceful edge of the music, the sometimes controversial topics the tracks touch on are always dealt with deftly, with tracks on religion, politics and art all treated adroitly.

The music produced by the two outfits is certainly dark and grim, but always coloured by fantastic writing, and a willingness to deal with topics that less courageous artists wouldn’t attempt in their wildest dreams. With a new Polkadot Cadaver album, tentatively titled R. Kelly’s Big Black Spaceship, on the horizon, it certainly would be a good time to enter the wonderfully dark world of Polkadot Cadaver. I would encourage you to ‘enter the fold’, but that both sounds needlessly dubious, and also makes me seem like a humungous horror-poseur.

This is perhaps slightly redundant as I imagine if you managed to reach the end of this description of dark-horror-comedy-synth-metal music then I imagine you aren’t here for pop countdowns, but there we are, a tradition is a tradition. Here is the Top Ten:

10 – Remedy – Little Boots

9 – Get Shaky – Ian Carey Project

8 – I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)

7 – Beat Again – JLS

6 – Supernova – Mr Hudson ft Kanye West

5 – Sweet Dreams – Beyonce

4 – Behind Closed Doors – Peter Andre

3 – Ready for the Weekend – Calvin Harris

2 – Never Leave You – Tinchy Stryder ft Amelle

1 – I Gotta Feeling – Black Eyed Peas