Journal: The Remarkable Doings of Cannonby
Verse but Not Versus
Narrator
The Captain and his crew / are in the forests still / surroundings of a greenish hue / with adventure to fulfil. The crew that are conscious, swear they're searching on their honour / they scour the forestry, for traces of Teal and Bludonna. Teal, transformed to a moth, took to the skies with absolute grace / before losing grip of his wings, and falling without a trace / Perhaps they'll find bits of Bludonna all over the bloody place.
Boris: Curse you narrator / don't say such things! / We'll find them by tracing the trail of Teal's wings.
Bevan: Come on Boris, untwist your pants / they're both sturdy fellows. (incredulous) They're dead? No chance.
Cnby: I don't know Bevan, this area is rocky / They could be just mush, don't get too cocky.
Boris: Captain, hey!
Bevan: What a thing to say, how can you be a good Captain with an outlook so grey?
Cnby: Looking on the bright side can in my mind cause a schism / I much prefer the safety of good old pessimism.
Boris: No! No! I won't believe that they're dead!
Bevan: Come on Captain, knock this on the head.
Cnby: Okay, fine. I'll say they're crippled instead.
Bevan: Captain! What an awful phrase to have used.
Boris: The disabled community should not be abused.
Cnby: Oh, these politically correct phrases are all so tricksy.
Bevan: Well you're going to have to learn it's not 1960.
Boris: That's right! Such clumsy phrases, you should be sorry, what do you say?
Cnby: My reply is that political correctness is gay.
Bevan: Heavens above! You're so ignorant and aggressive, I wanted this story to engender the progressive. Look here, already in this first bit, you've been disablist and homophobic!
Boris: It makes me sick!
Cnby: Well it was just a trick.
Bevan: A trick?
Boris: A trick?
Cnby: Yes, you dicks, it was but a fix! Just a conversational diversion, changing topic from the crash, it was chatty aversion.
Bevan: Still, your use of language disturbs me, in future please don't court controversy.
Cnby: Fine, fine. I'll cowtow for now to your political correction.
Boris: Are we even going in the right direction?
Bevan: I assume so, the two of them crashed to the North.
Cnby: If we've gone off track, we'll be traipsing back and forth, for hours.
Boris: And we haven't got hours! They won't last for long, even with their special powers. You look out for your comrades, and those two are ours!
Cnby: Comrades? Ha! They are silly Howards, Teal is a freak and Bludonna's a coward!
Bevan: Captain! I am filled with an absolute sense of dismay, all you just said amounts to betrayal!
Boris: You'd miss them if they went, you don't think so, but you would. Those two are good eggs, they're forces for good!
Bevan: Well apart from all that clubbing seals lark. Though it is particularly cute that Teal only barks.
Cnby: Whatever, whatever! Let's move on afore we get lost.
Boris: I've got a bad head.
Bevan: Mae gen i pen tost.
Narrator
Meanwhile in a different part of the forest, close to Cannonby and to Bevan and to Boris / The Doktor and Nurse are following their trail, but what motives does this effort entail? They explained last week, go back and listen if you want proof, they'll probably recap though, so just listen you foof.
Doktor: Come A Nurse, I sense those four up ahead, though only three have had words that they've said.
Nurse: Cannonby and Boris and Bevan. Who is the fourth?
Doktor: A cyborg.
Nurse: Good heavens!
Doktor: Now look, even though I feel the crew is quite craven, we must warn them about the priests of Vinehaven.
Nurse: The priests that reside in the Haven of the Vine, the priests that can turn manflesh to wine.
Doktor: They won't have Cannonby's and they won't have mine.
Nurse: Such a process should be a crime.
Doktor: Yes I agree.
Nurse: It's the drop that broke the faucet.
Doktor: Even if there was a law, there is no one to enforce it.
Nurse: Maybe it is time we considered such a position?
Doktor: I am not a fighter, friend, I am the Doktor; a physician. My name should have been a giveaway, man! Healing is my mission.
Nurse: Well though my name is A Nurse, I am more of a magician.
Doktor: Really!? Well honestly, that is news to me!
Nurse: I am full of surprises, you see?
Narrator
Way-hay-hay, such bombshells have been dropped / though now this poetic Cannonby must be stopped. Some will be disgusted by this week's cheap gimmick, other's will know that John Hegley I have mimicked. Badly, admittedly. But that's no bad thing, a man must fight some dirty fights before he becomes the King. Just like Ben Grimm went to space and back, before he became the Thing. And like how Mami and Dadi had a second son, before they became Brothers Grimm. What I mean is, while it may not look that way, this is the same thing. I am glad and I am weak that I'm being allowed to end the show this week, using that damn spider was just too different.
Spider Narrator
Oho! Come back next week, Cannonby next contestant!
*****
I'd listened to a John Hegley radio show; The Adventures of John and Tony, in the week and tried to turn my hand to a similar thing. A lot more poetry has found its way into the show since. Doktor and Nurse now speak exclusively in rhyme. Interesting? Perhaps.
Send any of your reactwords to acrecomedy@gmail.com or tweets to @adamgilder.
Cheers.
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