Journal of Cannonby: TEAL MOTHRA!

A shorter Cannonby this week because I was drunk when I wrote it. I was attempting to make a retro Japanese ani-song style theme for Teal Mothra using an Apple-based loop-using audio program, but I failed magnificently. You can hear what I did instead on the podcast (http://www.theacre.net/The_ACRE/Podcast/Podcast.html) eventually.

The script was read/played by:

Narrator: Me

Boris: Dafydd Evans

Bevan: Me

American Narrator: Me

Teal: Dafydd Evans.

*****

Journal: The Remarkable Doings of Cannonby

TEAL MOTHRA!

Narrator

Caught in a titanic struggle, not the film, the Agian Spider grapples with the newly evolved Godzillapilla, who is, true to his representation in the films, crushing the surrounding woodland. This would be all fine and dandy, had the feckless Bludonna Snow not decided to climb up to the highest tree in the area in a cockamamie attempt to unleash her deadly sky-based attack, The Club from Abub. The gargantuan battle has toppled the tree, sending Bludonna hurtling through the darkening sky...

BORIS: (in slow motion until it says to stop) Nooooo, Bludonna!

BEVAN: Oh poop hoops! She's going to be crushed on impact if someone doesn't intervene!

BORIS: It seems like everything is in slow motion, and yet I still cannot do anything.

BEVAN: It is in slow motion to up the drama, and also to push the climactic events further back into the episode so that we don't climax too soon dramatically.

BORIS: I would highlight the crude double entendre in that sentence, specifically referring to how you must be familiar with climaxing too soon dramatically, but in the current Bludonna-based crisis I feel that would be highly inappropriate.

BEVAN: Well judged Boris, there's nothing like crude innuendo and double entendre to really undermine the tragedy of a person's last moments on earth.

BORIS: Wait, something's missing, wasn't Stephen Teal's cocoon glowing with an inner phosphorescence at the end of last week?

BEVAN: (returning to normal speed) Your right. (cheesily) Wooooow! It has started again… The cocoon, it is glowing with an inner phosphorescence!

BORIS: I am blinded by it's phosphorocity!

BEVAN: Well while that isn't a word it's hardly the time to pick up on that. Is the cocoon, hatching!?

BORIS: IT CERTAINLY IS!

BEVAN: OH DEAR HEAVENS, THAT IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I HAVE EVER SEEN.

BORIS: I can't find the words to describe the scene of utter beautification that has exploded in my face.

BEVAN: I equally am unable to convey the unique and beatific beauty that has blasted the balls of my eyes.

BORIS: If only there was a dramatic technique we could use, as a radio play, in order to better describe the situation.

BEVAN: Yes, if only.

Narrator

*cough* Um, sorry, are you referring to me, the narrator?

BORIS: Yes that is exactly what we were referring to!

Narrator

Oh, sorry about that boys. Well, erm, how to describe it? It's like a giant oh, (muttering/stumbling) sorry, I can't do it. It's sort of like a cross between a rainbow and a sunburst in your soul. Is that good enough?

BORIS: (frustrated) I don't know why we bother. A rainbow and a sunburst in your soul, you ponce.

BEVAN: Wait, what's that!? In the sky!

BORIS: Is it a man?

BEVAN: It is an octnarwhal pup for a headed man?

BORIS: Is it a… moth?

American Narrator

Zoom, whoosh, bang! Kapow! Arcing across the sky like a fluttering bullet wobbling toward an open flame, the newborn heroic monster for justice, TEAL MOTHRA! Half Stephen Teal, half Octnarwhal pup for a head, half giant fictional moth monster, no one can stop his mighty power! The body of a man, an octnarwhal pup for a head, a moths wings on his back, and the inexplicable power to shoot lasers from his face. Zap. The arc of his flight takes him whizzing like a whizzing thing to the falling body of Bludonna Snow, catching her like someone who is good at catching would catch something, and lowering her gently to the ground like someone who could lower things really gently would lower her. He then kicks off the floor and rises into the twilight, not the book, skies, and turns to face the monsters, who stand bewildered. His eyes narrow like in a cowboy movie, and he says:

TEAL:

Narrator

Some monsters are guaranteed to get whooped, in the next instalment of Cannonby!

*****

Have to go and write tomorrow's now. Oh dear.

Listen in: www.rhonddaradio.com - 12-3 tomorrow.

Or if you can't be there, it'll all get podcasted eventually. So get involved all up in that.

Cheers.

Gilder

acrecomedy@gmail.com

@adamgilder