Cruijff on a Bike!

I think I've broken myself.

I was unable to shift a persistent headache yesterday, and it has transformed itself into genuinely feeling ill today. I therefore decided to veto exercising this morning in favour of resting up, which was undermined by my dog, who decided he would indulge into previously unknown levels of misbehaving. Continuous barking and climbing on chairs (not allowed), culminated in him sneaking upstairs (really not allowed) and chewing on socks and eating potpourri (really really not allowed and stupid). Attempting to summarily deal with these antics, especially considering he reacts to discovery of knowingly bad behaviour by exploding frantically around the room.

A restful morning, then.

Leaving him unsupervised in order to make food, wash up or run a bath resulted in returning to find some form of bad behaviour, or the aftermath. I think I'm going to put him in the washing machine, it's the only thing he'll listen to.

In between warring with the dog, I managed to get a bit of the podcast edited, this week it is the show we did on Valentine's day, which wasn't really a special, but that's what we called it. I am enjoying the editing so far, it will probably be another long one, it has a particularly good God or Fabio segment.

I think part of how I broke myself involves how full on I have been in going into things recently. My wholesale embrace of Royal Rumbles and the consequent binging on them left no room for anything else. Similarly, since restarting Final Fantasy IX I have been obsessed with it to the exclusion of all else, I've only managed to force out blogs in work, and the editing of last week's podcast was done as a last ditch effort on the Tuesday. I am now trying to force the World Cup into my obsessive habits, which has been disappointing so far, with some decidedly sub-par games. Hearing the disgusted commentary on 5Live was more draining than the actual match however. Rather than just rage that the match was a waste of time, it would be more beneficial to look ahead optimistically, especially given the very early stage of the tournament, and the plethora of opportunities for excitement there is to come. Having a professional, paid commentator wailing along the lines of "oh for fuck sake, what an absolute load of arsemangle!" just saps the fun and excitement out of the whole thing. I enjoying hearing Robbie Savage covering matches, but having a Welsh accent whilst commentating makes me feel as though there's rugby on. If the matches were covered by Jonathan Davies I think it would really unsettle Welsh viewers. I think it would be exactly the sort of low-level freakout that would add an extra frisson of interest during a game. Especially when they are being the absolute waste of complete time oh my god this is an hour and a half of my life I am never getting back, skies above and Cruijff on a bike! sort of games they've been so far.

Hopefully the Brazil match later on will be more exciting, but if not I have more editing to look forward to, and since I am suffering wrestling-based brain damage if it gets too boring I can always shut my eyes and watch the never ending montage of over-the-top-rope eliminations I have playing in my skull. What's the best elimination you've seen so far, you ask? Sgt. Slaughter being eliminated by Sid Justice in the 1992 Rumble, nothing beats a lumper going over bigstyle.

I am still trying to find a way to kickstart my brain, hopefully service will resume eventually.

Coca-Cola and Jesus

I had the glorious opportunity to come into contact with what is described by the company as the 'Mission, Vision & Values' of the Coca-Cola Company.

If you can fathom with little wonder that these things exist in the first place then mayhap you are too credulous an individual.  Or maybe it is my own cynicism that is at play.

If you want to read this outline in its original location you can find it here.

Bloody ridiculous advertising.

Also in the realms of my cynical take on shrewd advertising, someone who was at the head of a powerful PR machine was your man JC.  He was able to ensure that all the middle eastern academics of the time were toiling away recording his parables in the Journal of New Religious Thought and Message (Luke et al, 150ishAD).  This highly anecdotal piece of ancient journalism is more commonly known as 'Teh Beeblay'.  I recently found out that sources within the Bible itself disagree on the names of the 12 disciples, which possibly informs us that the rest of the 'information' in the Bible is perhaps less than reliable.

The rag-tag band of religious heroes are, possibly, as follows then:

Jesus: a wizard.

Peter: Jesus' cousin.

Andrew: Jesus' cousin.

James and John: the sons of Zebedee.

Simon the Zealot: He was zealous.

Philip: He was from the 'West Sa-ee-d' of Galilee

Bartholomew: Once told Jesus to eat his shorts.

Matthew: the Tax Collector (Boo/Hiss).

Judas: not the one you're thinking of.

James the Less: a disciple hard done by and finally:

Judas: the one you're thinking of.

This is a picture I drew as a summary.

The most important message to take from the Bible then is this:

Women should not indulge in infidelity, but if they do, it is better that they should be stoned.

Of course if this simply isn't enough Bible for you, maybe you would be interested in buying an anthology of Bible Rap.

Or if you have some common sense then maybe you'd rather some Tim Minchin.

I'll take my leave with dignity afore this becomes silly.